We have been happy, haven’t we? Chapter 3

Cora buttoned up her coat, after Dr. Clarkson finished his exams. Robert had stayed with her in the room although he stayed behind the folding screen. It was not proper for him to see his wife undressed in front of a doctor.

Robert got up, when Cora walked back to Dr. Clarkson’s desk. She picked up her gloves and put them on. She saw the worried wrinkle on Robert’s forehead and his soft ‘oh God.’ When Dr. Clarkson did not answer yes on his statement that there was still surgery.

“Robert does not see it, but things could be a lot worse.” She started. “How many have to face this kind of thing, feeling that they waisted their lives.” Cora looked Robert in the eye and with a soft smile she continued. “I don’t, not at all.”

Robert suppressed the urge to pull her close. He thanked Dr. Clarkson and guided Cora back to their car. Back in the privacy of the car he pulled Cora in a tight hug. He pressed his nose in her neck and inhaled her scent. Since last year she used a different one. This one smelled like Peach, Rose, Jasmine, Musk, Vanilla and Sandalwood. Robert was convinced he missed elements, but it did not matter, she smelled heavenly. He remembered the name of her scent, so he could give it to her once in a while and he made sure to buy one in France, it was L’Aimant Coty.

Cora cupped Robert’s cheek. “Thank you for coming with me.”

Robert pressed his lips against Cora’s skin. “Of course.”

“Well.” Cora laughed. “I remember you getting squeamish when talking about medical things especially when it is involving a woman’s body. You remember my last pregnancy?”

When she saw the hurt in Robert’s eyes, she realised her mistake. “I am sorry darling.”

“There is no reason for you to be sorry.” Robert took her hand in his.

“God knows how guilty I felt. And now I am making an insensitive joke about it.” Cora’s voice trailed off, thinking back to that day. She dropped her bar of soap, O’Brien, obedient as she was cleaned it up for her. But she must have missed a spot, because when Cora stepped out of the tub, her foot slipped. Why didn’t she wait for O’Brien, like she always did.

“Cora? Don’t, it was not your fault, it was an unlucky incident.”

Cora’s hand moved to her abdomen. “I still can feel the pain. The moment I hit the bathtub, I knew, I just knew. He would have been 14 years old.” Her voice broke

“We lost two of our darling children, but we are lucky to have Mary and Edith. And most of all, each other.

“Darling, Sybil.” A tear escaped Cora’s eye, gentle Robert brushed it away.

“I know you have forgiven me for my behaviour, but I am not sure if I have.”

“Oh Robert.” Cora said with her voice full of love. There was no chance for more, because the driver stopped the car and Andy opened the door.

+++

Robert offered his arm and Cora slid her arm through his. Now the family knew Cora was ill, she did not have to pretend anymore, and she happily used the steady arm of Robert. She did not trust her legs at all at the moment. It was not in fact, her legs would give out, but she lost her balance quite easily.

“I will help you upstairs, so you can rest.” Robert said, when he felt Cora wobble.

“The grandchildren will be down soon, I will rest on the sofa in the library.”

“George and Caroline are growing up so fast. Edith said she would be here soon with Marigold and little Peter. I wish Sybbie had stayed a little bit longer.” Robert was not specifically talking to Cora, she noticed. Baxter and Bates were in the entrance hall to take their coats. The moment they left, Robert and Cora were alone for a second.

Robert turned towards Cora and pulled her close. He startled Cora and she looked around to see if nobody was watching. “Robert.” She said shocked.

He pressed his lips against Cora’s. She let out another breathless “Robert.”

“I am sorry, but I needed your taste.”

Cora chuckled, she wrapped her arm around his waist. “You are a darling, but can we please go sit down.”

Robert’s eyes grew big. “Oh, I am sorry my dear, I forgot. This day took a toll on you.”

“It did, but I will be fine as soon as I can sit down.”

Quickly Robert walked with her to the library, the children were not down yet, and they found an empty library. Robert helped Cora down on the sofa closest to the fireplace. It was nice and warm in that spot. He saw Cora leaning back and closing her eyes for a second. He bent down and pressed a kiss on her forehead. “Should I tell nanny to wait 30 minutes before coming down?”

From the great hall they already heard children voices.

Wearily Cora opened her eyes and gave Robert a weak smile. “It is already too late. I will be fine, I promise.”

Robert planted another kiss on her forehead, right before the door opened and 4 grandkids walked in to the library. Nanny had a 5th one on her arm.

“Sybbie?” Robert exclaimed. “I thought you had gone back home with your father? And Marigold? What are you doing here?”

Sybbie wrapped her arms around Robert. “Papa wanted to be here, I do not know why. Same for aunt Edith.”

Cora smiled, she and Robert had a special bond. She was his first grandchild, but Robert never let go of his guilt towards her. He admitted it just now in the car. Cora decided she should talk to him later.

Marigold got on the sofa and scooted close to Cora, holding a book in her hands. She looked up with her grey eyes. Cora melted, she loved her so much. She loved all her grandchildren, every one of them had a special place in her heart.

“Granny, can you read us a story?” Marigold asked and George, Caroline, and Sybbie gathered around Cora. Nanny put little Peter on her lap, with one arm around Marigold, the other one holding Peter and the book, Cora started to read. Mary and Edith sat opposite of Cora, all listening in. Tom and Bertie stood next to Robert.

Once the story was over, the children asked for another story, but Mary interrupted. She saw how tired her mother was. “We should go outside, it is a lovely afternoon.” She winked at her mother. Edith took Peter in her arms and started walking outside. The children followed, with Tom and Bertie, chatting with each other. Mary lingered a little bit longer. “Thank you, mama this brought me back to my childhood. You coming up into the nursery and reading us a story.”

“Much to your grandmothers dislike.” Robert chuckled. He offered Cora his arm. “Come darling, I will bring you upstairs.”

He called for Baxter to come and help, although he would love to help Cora himself, it was not done. Especially not during the day, when everybody would notice, he was undressing his wife. In a way, it was bollocks, he could not help his wife, especially when she was sick, but that was how the times were, he thought. He went in his dressing room and waited for Baxter to leave the room. He was looking at his snuffboxes, when the door between Cora’s room and his dressing room opened. There she was, his beautiful Cora. She was wearing a golden coloured satin robe and her hair was in a loose braid. She always had been slender, but now she was skin over bones he noticed. She should eat more, but Robert was aware Cora did not have an appetite. “Darling, why are you not in bed?”

“I wanted to talk to you first.”

Robert remembered the evening she came into his dressing room, after the Mr. Bricker incident. With a lump in her throat, she had asked him back to her room, or well, commissioned. He had ignored her plead, but then realised he indeed let a flirtation get out of hand with Jane. He was relieved Bates interrupted them. He would have gone too far, and he was ashamed for it. Especially because he kissed her again and was speaking lies to himself. He was happy with Cora, he always had been happy with her and just because she was dividing her time did not mean he was getting neglected.

Cora misread the look on his face and got closer, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “Darling, Sybil would have died, even if we would have listened to Dr. Clarkson, he said that himself.”

Robert was caught off guard with this subject and tears started to well up in his eyes. Cora had forgiven him so much over the years, he should confess about Jane. But now was not the time, Cora needed her rest.

“Your anger after Sybil’s death was the only thing I deserved at that moment.”

Cora pushed herself back and looked him in the eye. “You deserved to grief with your wife, and I denied you that. I pushed you away and did not give you space to grief. Luckily we had Mama, who brought us both back together.”

“We should go to Mama. But first you need to lay down.” He softly notched Cora towards her bedroom and tugged her in. “You want to come down for tea later?”

Cora took a deep breath. “I think I will, let’s see how I feel when I wake up.” She closed her eyes and before she realised it, she was asleep.

 

We have been happy, haven’t we? Chapter 2

The car turned up the driveway and Downton came insight. Robert felt Cora letting out a deep sigh.

He looked at her, she always had a light skin tone, but now she was pale. He had sent a message to Dr. Clarkson, that they would come by the next day. Gently he took Cora’s hand, he felt the soft fabric of her gloves. He was used to her gloved hands, but always longed for the moment she took them off and her skin touched his. Her thumb rubbing over the back of his hand.

“It is good to be home.” Cora sighed; she tried leaning back into the cushions of the car. Although over the years her corset had gotten loser, it still restricted her in her movements.

Robert noticed her discomfort. “Are you in pain?”

Cora turned her face towards him and shook her head. “No, no. It is just the bodice restricting me.”

“You could decide to not wear it. You do not really need it with your figure.” He moved his eyes over her body in appreciation.

“Robert.” She exclaimed breathless.

He chuckled. “Do you remember the first time you saw Downton?”

Cora saw the image flash before her eyes. She was sitting in a carriage with her mother. Lord and Lady Grantham had invited them to come for dinner. Martha made sure Cora looked her best.

Her long, cascading chestnut brown curls, tucked up into a tight chignon. Her emerald, green coloured dress had a tight bodices with a high collar and narrow sleeves. Cora was happy the bustle evolved into skirts with a much more subtle flow from the thin corset waist. She never liked the bustle.

The carriage turned up a driveway and a majestic building rose up from behind the hill. The honey-coloured stone was beautiful, and almost shimmering in the sun. This would be her future home, she thought. At the door there was a tall butler, his eyebrows were the first thing that Cora noticed.

Cora was seated opposite of Robert. She already noticed it on the evening of their first meeting, but his eyes were incredible blue. She wished they would have been seated next to each other. She was dying to talk to him, luckily after dinner, when the man joined the woman, they got a change to talk. Robert seemed a very gentle man and he was showing genuine interest in her.

“Cora?” Robert’s voice shook her out of her daydreaming.

“I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I thought it was a majestic building back then, and I still think it is majestic, and we are blessed to spend our lives here.” Cora answered his question.

“Mama put you on the other side of the table with a purpose. She was not happy with me asking for your hand, she hoped, I would reconsider and send you back home.”

Cora chuckled. “I remember, after dinner, my mother was complaining how your mother tried to convince her to take me back to America.” She looked up into Robert’s eyes. “I am so happy, my mother was not impressed.”

Robert saw Cora’s lips curl up in a smile. “I can only agree. You made my world better.” He kissed her temple. The driver stopped, and a footman opened the door. Cora took his hand and stepped out, Robert was already waiting and offered her his arm.

“Thank you, but I can manage.”

+++

“I wonder where everybody is.” Robert said looking around in the library.

“I hear voices coming from there.” Cora pointed to another room.

“Let’s see if they are there.” He walked over and opened the door. He and Cora were faced with a large group of people and a camera facing the door they just opened. Mr. Barber shouted cut. Cora looked at Robert in disbelieve, there was their daughter Mary standing behind a microphone.

“What on earth is going on?” Robert exclaimed.

Mary rushed over to her parents. “You are back home. Welcome back.”

“Do tell me why are they.” Robert pointed towards the people in the room. “Still here? Filming would be done before our return.”

“I know, dear Papa. Do not be cross, things turned out to be difficult. There is so much I have to tell you, but first I want to hear everything about France.” She kissed her mother on her cheek, for a moment she gave Cora a strange look.

Cora gave her a reassuring smile. “I am just tired from the trip darling.” She said.

Cora’s words made Robert come back to earth. “Let us sit down.” He looked at Cora, how was it possible for her to be this strong. He would have collapsed already, or at least be upstairs in his bed. But not his Cora, his Cora was always the strong one.

“What are you thinking of.” Cora whispered.

“I will tell you when we are in private.” He whispered back.

Cora nodded and followed Mary to the library. She needed to sit down quickly, before she would faint. Her heart was racing in her chest.

Mary offered her mother a cup of tea, Robert was talking with Mr. Barber. “Mama, are you sure you are alright?”

In the meantime, Edith and Bertie had also sat down. On the last day of the boat trip, Edith had asked her mother to tell her the truth. In France she had already noticed something was wrong with her. So, Cora had no other choice than telling her the truth. Now it was time to also tell Mary about her being ill.

“Mary.” She started. “I do not want you to be scared or panic, but tomorrow your father is taking me to Dr. Clarkson.”

“Why? Did you pick up a bug on this trip?”

Cora gave her a soft smile and took her hand. “I am afraid it is a little bit more serious than that.” Cora had hoped never to see this look on Mary’s face again. It reminded her of the day George was born and Matthew never came home. The look on Mary’s face when she told her what had happened would stick with her for ever. The pure shock and horror. Being a new mum and losing your husband in the same day, was something Cora would never wish for anybody. Quickly she continued. “We do not know yet, what is wrong. That is why we are going to Dr. Clarkson tomorrow.”

“Mama! No wonder, you look like you have been awake for two weeks straight. Why did you go to France? It could have killed you.”

Cora swallowed, Mary was repeating almost the same words as Robert threw in front of her. “Darling, I wanted to have a last holiday, a happy memory in case this was our last chance to go on holiday together.”

“This was not our last holiday together.” Robert laid his hand on Cora’s shoulder and softly squeezed it.