The truth always comes out, chapter 23

Cora had gone downstairs when she saw Rosamund going into the room where Robert had slept. She walked towards the kitchen and was greeted by Rosamund’s cook, Agnes.

“Good morning, Milady, can I make you some breakfast?”

Cora was famished, she noticed. “Some fried eggs and beans on toast, please. Is there orange juice?” She had to chuckle. She was turning into a real British woman, but her American blood would always be there too, hence the orange juice.

“I will make some juice. In the meantime, there is tea and coffee in the breakfast room.” Agnes said.

“Thank you, Agnes.”

Cora poured herself a big mug of tea. She knew it was not proper to drink out of a mug, especially not during breakfast, but she did not care. She wrapped her fingers around the warm mug and sat down at the table. Soon after, Agnes walked in.

“Thank you. Agnes.” Cora waited for her to leave the room before she started her breakfast. It was delicious, she loved Mrs. Patmore’s cooking, but Agnes was as good as her.

“I added some tomatoes, Milady. You can use all the vitamins you can get.”

She brought her plate back to the kitchen, thanked Agnes, and went towards the stairs. She would love to go to the drawing room and read a book. But she knew she would not be able to focus on it, and she did not want to take the risk that Robert would walk in. Slowly, she climbed the stairs. She felt her lungs rumble with every step and breath she took. The percussion session of yesterday had made the mucus loosen up, but her lungs were far from clear.

A door opened, and Rosamund appeared at the top of the stairs. “Cora, are you alright?”

Although her coughing was taking over, she tried to nod.

“Maybe it is me, but your cough sounds different.”

Cora needed a minute to catch her breath before she could answer. “It is not just you. They feel different.”

“I could do another percussion session?” Robert appeared next to Rosamund.

Cora sighed. He was the one she did not want to see right now. “I am alright, thank you.” She said softly.

Robert stepped closer. “I will not ask anything else; I only want to help. It feels that this is the only way to get your lungs functioning normally again.”

“I am afraid Robert is right. It will help and you know that.” Rosamund said.

Cora had to admit, it would be nice to get the last gunk out of her lungs. The air she was getting in since yesterday was a nice feeling. She gave in.

+++

“Where are mum and dad?” Mary asked when Sybil and Edith stepped inside.

They shared a look before Sybil answered. “Mama needs a little bit more time before she can travel back home.

As true to Mary’s nature, she did not notice the anxious look on Edith’s and Sybil’s face. “Is she still poorly? That pneumonia was a heavy one.”

“Her lungs are finally improving, but she is still feeling the aftermath of the pneumonia. It was a good one she got. I am still amazed she did not end up in the hospital.”

Edith shivered. “I hope to never see her like that again. It was horrible seeing her fight for every breath and the blood.” She pulled a face.

“Let’s hope Mama will recover fully soon and indeed will never get a pneumonia that bad.” Sybil padded Edith’s arm.

“I hope she will come back soon. We have an event in two weeks, and I can use her advice.” Mary said.

“There is something that is called a phone.” Edith bitched. “You could call her.”

Mary gave a nasty look and walked away.

“Tom, do you want some tea?” Edith asked, turning around towards Tom, who was standing in the doorway.

+++

“I have to go; I will miss the train and it is the last one for today.” Robert helped Cora with the percussion, and it seemed she was able to get everything loose and out. He hoped the mucus would not build up again. He looked at Rosamund, who was standing next to him. “Please take good care of her.” He made a notion with his head upstairs. Cora had fallen asleep as soon as they were done, and she was still in her bedroom.

“Oh, Robert. You know I will. She can stay here as long as she needs to. But she will have to go back to Downton to arrange everything.”

Robert’s shoulders lowered. “I do not know how I will go on without her. Downton without Cora is empty.”

“You will find your way. Your girls will be with you.” Rosamund said, encouraging.

Robert raised his eyebrows. “Do you really think they will choose me?”

“I am positive that they will not choose, but they will stay at Downton. That is their home and who knows what Cora will find to live.”

Robert sighed. “I should help her with that.”

Rosamund softly pushed Robert out the door. “You should go and catch your train.”

+++

Just before dinner, Cora walked downstairs. She did not know if Robert would be there or that he had left. She did not know what to hope for. Her heart was aching for him already, and she hated that feeling. Was she too harsh? Should she reconsider. With a deep sigh, she opened the door to the dinner area.

“Your lungs sound wonderful.” Rosamund greeted Cora.

Cora looked around, but besides Mead, there was nobody else in the room. Robert had gone back home. “It is the first time in weeks that they do not rumble indeed.”

“You finally gave up on smoking.” Rosamund joked.

“I did sound like a heavy smoker.” Cora agreed and smiled.

+++

Rosamund handed Cora a mug filled with tea.

Cora lifted her eyebrows. “A mug?”

“You like drinking your tea out of a mug, do you not?”

“I do, but never expected to get that from you.”

“I am less posh than you think.” Rosamund winked. “I have to go away for a couple of days. Do you think you are all right on your own here?”

“I can go to a hotel if you want me to?” Cora said.

“Do not be silly. You can stay here. I only wanted to know if you would be alright.”

Cora looked at her feet. “It will take a while before I will be alright again. But I am capable of being on my own here.” She answered. “Although I should go to Downton, Robert and I need to talk to the girls. They need to know.”

“Give yourself and Robert a couple of days before telling them.”

“You think Robert will not tell them?” Cora played with her wedding ring. “He is not very good at dealing with his emotions and tends to drink them away. The girls will notice.”

Rosamund leaned forward and took Cora’s hands in hers. “They already know something is wrong. A couple of more day’s waiting will not hurt them anymore.”

Cora felt a tear escape her eye. “I only hope Sybil is not taking the blame. She thinks Tom and she are the reason why Robert is behaving like he is.”

Rosamund wiped the tear away. “You raised three strong girls. They will survive this.”

I hope Robert will survive this, Cora thought. She was not so sure about how she was going to manage the pain herself.

The truth always comes out, chapter 22

“Where are Papa and Mama?” Edith asked, while she put her bag in the hallway, next to Sybil’s.

“Maybe, they are still asleep, we should wake them before we go.” Sybil said.

Rosamund quickly stepped in front of the stairs, before one of the girls could go upstairs. “I will let them know you gave them your love. Come on, hurry up, you girls will miss the train. My driver is waiting for you outside.”

Sybil and Edith shared a look but picked up their things and walked outside.

Cora had been listening in from her bedroom door, she had wanted to run down and hug her girls. Their whole life was going to be turned upside down and she wished she could protect them from it. The rest of the night she had thought about what she said to Robert. She wanted a divorce. She had said it, no way back. Robert had left her room as a broken man. She almost went to his room to comfort him and tell him she was sorry. But she knew she had made the right decision, seeing Robert with Jane in her mind’s eye was something she would never loose. Every time he would touch her, she would be thinking of how he touched Jane. She heard the stairs crack; Rosamund was coming up. Cora stepped back and closed her door.

Rosamund had seen Cora’s door close, but she was not on her way to her. She had to see Robert. Cora told her about her decision after she had told it to Robert, and they had talked for a long-time last night. But now she needed to talk to Robert.

+++

Robert turned on his other side when he heard the door open. He did not care who it was, he did not want to see anybody. His head was pounding, he drank too much whiskey after Cora’s bombshell. According to the footsteps, it was not Cora who had entered his room, and he felt sad about that. He had a small hope that she would come and say that she regretted her words. He pulled the pillow over his head, trying to hide for the world.

Rosamund walked to his bedside and put a cup of water with some paracetamol down. She pulled a chair close and sat down. Seeing her brother in this state broke her heart. The moment Cora had stepped into his live, something had changed. He really started living because of her. She did not understand why he had done what he did. She understood Cora´s decision, only if Robert had come to her before he did something stupid. Why did he not talk with her, or at least with Cora. Rosamund sighed: “Robert, I have some painkillers for you.”

Robert removed the pillow from his head and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. He looked at Rosamund. “Thank you. Did the girls leave already?”

“They did, they do not know what happened yet.”

“You have not told them?” Robert asked.

“Of course not.” Rosamund said indignant. “That is not something I should tell, do I?”

“No, you are right. Cora and I should tell them.” Robert let out a deep sigh. “There is no more Cora and me.” Robert rested his pounding head in his hands. “Oh, Rosamund, I made a mess, a big mess and there is no way I can fix this.” He looked up when Rosamund stayed silent. “Or is there?” There was a little bit of hope in his voice.

Rosamund shook her head, she got up and sat down next to Robert, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “I am sorry my dear brother, I wish I could protect you from this pain, but there is no way back. Cora is adamant about the divorce, you hurt her very deep with Jane. And if you ask me, she is mostly hurt by the fact you kept her in the house and kept that letter. Robert?” Rosamund paused for a second. “Why did you keep that letter?”

Robert’s shoulders lowered. “I do not know.”

“Stop that, Robert, you know perfectly well why you hold on to it.” Rosamund said firm.

“There was a small part of me that still wanted Jane.” He looked at Rosamund to see her reaction. “A very, very small part was attracted to the excitement about something new, someone young. I should never have given in on that feeling.” He sighed again. Robert took the glass and paracetamol from the nightstand.

“Robert, everybody has those feelings sometimes when they see someone that is attractive, but acting on it is something different. You acted on those feelings, but most off all, you did not let them go. What had you done if Cora had died?”

Robert jerked back. “Are you implying I would start a relationship with Jane, had Cora died?”

“I am asking you; I am not implying, I am asking.” Rosamund said calmly.

“I have thought about it, what would happen if I had gone with Jane, but I realised it was a stupid fantasy. One that would not bring me any satisfaction, not as Cora did all these years. Cora made my life perfect, our three girls, our boy in heaven and everything she gave me. She made me who I am today, just because she was always there to support me.”

“You are painting her a saint now.” Rosamund said carefully.

“To me she is!” Robert looked at Rosamund. “Do you think she will go on with the divorce?”

Now Rosamund lowered her eyes. “Cora has her faults also, there was a reason why you felt attracted to Jane and why you searched comfort elsewhere. Do not blame everything on yourself. But I am sorry to say this, Cora is very, very certain about the divorce.”

Robert got up from the bed. “Well, I should get dressed. Downton is waiting.”

Rosamund looked how Robert disappeared into the ensuite bathroom. He was a true broken man she thought and in the room on the other side of this hallway, there was a heartbroken woman. Was there a way she could try and fix this for them? She should talk with her mother Violet; she could help maybe.

The truth always comes out, chapter 21

Robert was looking at his hands, this was the moment they would talk about their future. He had dreaded it the entire day, and when during their walk, there was no talk about Jane he had felt relief. Was Cora able to step over it? Did her time away do her good? But her last words had made him question every good feeling he had. She was not going to forgive him, was she?

“Cora.” He still did not look up. “I have thrown that letter away. It is no longer in my possession.” He waited for a reaction, but there was none. “I regret every move I made with Jane. I regret even having feelings for another woman. You are the love of my life, and I do not know how I lost track of that. I let disappointment clutter my mind and acted on it. You do not deserve that. You are allowed to give your time to Mary or anything else that interests you. I.” He fell silent. There was again no reaction from Cora. He heard her breathing, but she sat there very still. He dared to look up and saw she was looking at him, with a look in her eyes that he did not recognise. “I have been a fool, and I hope you can forgive me.” He got up and sat down in front of her on his knees. He refrained himself from taking her hands in his. “Cora? I made a fool out of myself by wanting another woman.”

“You made a fool out of me too, Robert.” Cora’s voice was soft and without emotion. “You made me believe you loved me and only me.”

“I do only love you, dearest.”

Cora huffed. “Clearly not. If you loved me, you would not have shared the bed with another woman.”

“I never slept with her, I stopped.”

Cora pierced her eyes into Robert’s. “You wanted too.”

Robert could not bare to look into her eyes, and he averted his face.

“I am right, am I? I know, I had been absent for a long time, and yes, I should have noticed the pain you were in regarding Sybil and Tom. But all that does not excuse you from sleeping with another woman.”

“I did not sleep with Jane. We only kissed.”

Cora shivered. “The only reason why you stopped was because you got interrupted.”

Robert looked back at Cora. He could see the pain in her eyes, and he hated the fact that he was the reason for that pain. He lowered his eyes once again. “In that moment, I indeed wanted her.”

“While I was fighting to stay alive, you played around. All the while playing the worried husband, but as soon as you got the chance, you went to her. Didn’t you?”

Cora’s tone made Robert look up. “No, it wasn’t like that.” He reached out his hands, but Cora pulled hers back. “The moment I realised what I was doing, I stopped it. I told her repeatedly; we could not be together.”

A tear escaped Cora’s eye. “You still want her, don’t you?”

Robert gasped. “No, no, there is not one fibre in my body that wants her. Not one! Cora, please, you have to believe me.” Robert felt his heartbeat rising. He was losing her. No, he had already lost her. There was no way she was coming back to Downton with him. He had blown it. His happy marriage was gone, just because he made one stupid mistake.

“You know, it does not really matter if you want her still or not. You wanted her in that moment. And if you truly regretted what you had done, you would have sent her away and, most of all, never held on to that letter.” Cora’s voice broke.

“I cannot explain why I hold on to that letter. I can explain why I did not fire her.”

“Robert, stop this. You could have sent her away with a good recommendation and made sure she would find a job elsewhere. But no, you were happy with her close to you, so you could still fantasise.”

Robert sighed. In this whole ordeal, which was the biggest mistake he made. Keeping her on, not wanting to let go of that feeling of something new. His long marriage with Cora had been a wonderful one. She knew how to please him in every aspect of his life, especially in the bedroom. But the feeling of something fresh and young had aroused him to the core. He felt most guilty about that. “She is gone now and will never come back.”

“Jane is gone from the house, but she will linger around in your thoughts, and what will you do when a new young and attractive woman comes to work in the house? Are you going to explore again?” Cora heard how hard her tone was, but she could not care. Robert had gone too far, and there was no return possible. He had damaged her, her belief in a faithful marriage, her belief that she was loved and the number one in his life. The only ones who had outshined that love were their three girls. The day they were born, there had been so much love for the girls, but most of all, for each other. If nature had let them, there would have been more children. They loved each other like she had never seen before. She had read about this kind of love in books, and she had counted herself lucky to have that in her life. But it all had shattered.

“You are leaving me.” Robert stated incredibly soft, he sunk against her knees. “I lost you.” He started sobbing.

Cora did not know how to react. The last time she had seen him cry was after the loss of their baby boy. Something deep inside wanted her to wrap her arms around him and forgive him. She needed him in her life as much as he needed her. But she could not do it. She could not get rid of the image in her head. Robert kissing Jane.

They had vowed to be faithful to each other, and he had broken that vow. “You have broken my trust.” She said, her voice thick from tears.

Robert looked up and reached towards her cheek. He softly touched her skin, which was wet from tears. “I am sorry, my love.”

Cora had to fight the urge to rest her head against his hand and let him comfort her. Was she able to go on without him? She had always needed him to ground herself. She was her rock. After her father had died, he had been there for her. His strong presence, always there for her to lean on. “Please, leave.” She said very softly. “Go back home.”

Robert took Cora’s hands in his. “Are you asking me to leave for now, or……?” He could not say the words.

Cora did not pull her hands back. She was too exhausted. “I want a divorce.” She said, almost inaudible.

The truth always comes out, chapter 20

“So, how did it go?” Rosamund asked, entering Cora’s room. Cora had gone up after their walk to lay down. The walk had been long, longer than she had done with Rosamund before.

Cora looked up from her book. “We didn’t talk about it.”

“Cora!” Rosamund exclaimed. “Why? This was the perfect time to discuss what is going on between you two.

“I know, but we didn’t come to it. We mostly talked about the girls and their futures.” She looked down. “We both avoided that topic.”

“Do you need me to sit in the room and mediate?”

Cora chuckled. “No, no.” She got up. “Let’s go down. “Dinner will be ready soon.”

Rosamund sighed but agreed.

+++

“Papa? How long are you staying?” Sybil asked.

Robert looked at Cora, who purposely avoided looking at him. “I do not know yet.”

“Sybil and I will go back home tomorrow, we both have things to do.” Edith said.

“I cannot wait to read your first article for that magazine.” Sybil said.

“I still have to write it and then send it in, it is far from sure to be published in the magazine.” Edith replied.

“You have to have a little bit more trust in yourself.” Sybil said, while stuffing her mouth with food.

“Are you seeing Tom tomorrow?” Cora asked. She could slap herself for this question. With Robert in the room this was not a topic to discuss at the dinner table.

Sybil’s cheeks coloured. “He is picking us up from the train station tomorrow.”

“Well, at least we know he can drive.” Robert said with a deep voice.

Cora looked up and gave Robert a look of warning, that he did not seem to pick up.

“I just do not understand you, Sybil.”

“Who is in for a desert.” Rosamund stepped in. “I think my cook made a delicious Victoria sponge cake.”

+++

Cora was sitting in front of the fireplace; it was not lid. The day had been a warm one and the room was warm enough. After dinner, Sybil and Edith had gone out for a walk together. Rosamund had asked Robert to help her with something. The short interaction between Robert and Sybil had made Cora anxious. He was not willing to budge down on this situation. He needed to understand that Sybil loved Tom and that love was more important than status. Matthew was a solicitor and from the same class as they were, but was he better than Tom? Not in her eyes. She sighed, and there was the Jane situation. She had hoped he would start, but he had not. Was he trying to just go over it and forget about what had happened. She had not talked about it herself, but she was not the one cheating. Did he throw the letter away in the meantime? Or was he still holding on to it. Had Jane been at Downton since she was here in London? Cora let out another sigh, she should not think like this. It did not help, and it made her anxiety only worse.

She cleared her throat; her lungs were full of gunk. The new medication did something, it had taken off the edge of the pain. But coughing still hurt, she should ask Sybil to show Robert the percussion technic before she would go back home tomorrow.

The door to the drawing room opened, Rosamund, Robert, Sybil, and Edith entered.

“Mama.” Sybil started. “Papa said he wants to learn how to do the percussion on your chest. That is a perfect idea, we need to get that mucus out of your lungs. And this is the only way to get it done properly. Are you up for it now?”

Cora had read about it, and she did not look forward to it. Although it would indeed help it did not seem very comfortable to lay in a downwards position having somebody play percussion on your body. “What has to be done, has to be done.” Was her answer.

“Edith, in the meantime you can tell me everything about that article.” Rosamund said, smiling to her.

Cora was thankful that Rosamund was such a great aunt to her daughters. They could not have wished for a better aunt.

“Let’s go upstairs then.” Robert offered Cora his arm, but she refused. What made Sybil and Edith share a look.

+++

“Now take a deep breath and while you breath out, Papa will shake your body. Papa as soon as Mama start coughing you need to stop your movements.” Sybil instructed. “And Mama do not fight the coughing, it will not feel nice, but you will be able to work up the mucus and clear your lungs properly. You will notice that tomorrow you will already feel better and more able to get it lose with just coughing.”

Cora nodded; the percussion part had not been as bad as she had imagined. She could feel her lungs clearing while he was doing it. She did as Sybil had instructed, and she managed to cough up a lot of mucus. Sybil had instructed her how to lay down and after every session of percussion and shaking she had to change position. Once it was done, Cora felt exhausted but better.

Once she sat back up, Cora took a deep breath. “This feels a lot better.”

“Why did Dr Clarkson not mention this earlier?” Robert said.

Cora gave Robert an annoyed look, she hated it when he questioned Dr. Clarkson’s knowledge.

“Papa, this is not coming from a doctor, I found this online when I was looking things up.”

“Well, he should had known about this. Your mother could had been feeling a lot better much sooner.”

“The doctor here in London did not mention it either, Papa.”

Robert opened his mouth, but Cora interrupted. “Can you stop this.” She said annoyed. “Do not question other people’s decisions or actions if your sleeve is not clean either.”

Shocked Robert looked at Cora. “Cora.” His voice a little bit higher than normal.

“Mama, I will be in my room if there is anything you need. I bought some thyme syrup this afternoon, it will help sooth you throat, it must feel like sandpaper.” Sybil got up and kissed her mother on her cheek and then her father.

Cora’s throat indeed felt like sandpaper, she was thankful for Sybil who always knew what somebody needed. She looked up at Robert, who had sat down on a chair next to the bed, he looked down at his hands, she knew her words had hit where she wanted them to.

The truth always comes out, chapter 19

“So, I am the only one trying to keep everything going?” Mary said, annoyed. Robert had just announced he was going to London.

“My work can wait a couple of days, and you can manage perfectly here. Maybe even better without all of us surrounding you.” Robert answered. “I know you can do this, I have faith in you.”

“Papa? Would it be alright when I go out with Matthew tonight?” Mary changed the subject

Robert frowned. Why was she going out with Matthew when nobody was home. He knew he could trust Matthew and he wanted them to be a couple, but still. He would ask if Bates could check if she came home, just for his own peace of mind.

“Of course darling. Just be safe. You like him, don’t you?”

Mary coloured.

+++

“I was not sure if I should tell you.” Rosamund started, handing Cora a cup. “But Robert is coming today.”

“He is what? Oh, Rosamund, why did you not stop him?”

Rosamund sat down, “Cora, Robert sounded really worried on the phone. He is scared of losing you, and not only because you are thinking of a divorce. The updates I give him are, as you know, not very promising.”

“I am not on the verge of dying. My lungs just do not improve.” Cora said, annoyed.

“I think you are forgetting how worried we all were when you were on the verge of dying. You do remember that, do you not?” Rosamund rarely got upset with Cora. Why was Cora not seeing what they all had been going through. “Cora, you need to give Robert a change. You know I will support you no matter what you decide, but you need to give him a chance to explain.”

Cora sighed. She had already given him a chance to explain himself. She was here to get some distance and to clear her head. She had to admit that it did not make things easier. “What time is he coming?”

“He should be here within the next hour, I am going on a shopping trip with the girls. So you two will be undisturbed.”

Cora looked at Rosamund. She could not have wished for a better sister-in-law. She did not pick a side. She just let them fight it out themselves. “Thank you.” Cora said softly.

+++

Robert stood in front of Rosamund’s house, scared to knock on the door. He was happy to see Cora again, but not knowing how she would react made him nervous. Was she ready to forgive him? Or was it a bad move coming to London. He took a deep breath and knocked.

Shortly after his knock, the door was opened, and he was greeted by Mead, Rosamund’s butler.

“Welcome, Milord.” Mead took Robert’s hat and let him in the house. “Her Ladyship is in the drawing room.”

Robert proceeded towards the drawing room, in the doorway he held still. There she was his beautiful Cora. She was dressed in a simple jeans and t-shirt, but she managed to even make that look sophisticated. Cora was engrossed in something on her laptop and did not notice him. This gave him some more time to just look at her.

Cora stretched and noticed Robert. “How long have you been standing there?” She said.

“Hello, to you too.” He replied. “I arrived just now, but I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“So you decided to spy on me?”

“I did not spy, I. Cora? Why are you this hostile?” Robert slowly stepped inside the room.

Cora lowered her eyes. “I am sorry.” She looked up and saw his puppy eyes. She closed her laptop and got up, so he could greet her.

Robert directly took the change and wrapped his arms around her. He did not care what she would think. He needed her. To his relief, he felt Cora relax and she rested her head against his chest. Her hands moved upwards to his shoulder blades. It only took a second before she pulled away.

Cora pulled her shirt straight and stepped back. Being in his arms made her doubt her decision. The moment she noticed him, she felt something stir deep inside her, but at the same time, it felt somebody put a dagger in her heart. The betrayal was too much for her to forgive. Although her whole body longed for him.

“You want some tea?” She asked.

Robert was not sure what just happened. She welcomed his arms, and at the same time, she turned him down. “Yes, please.” He answered her question.

“How are you doing? Are the daily walks helping?” He asked when he heard Cora suppressing her cough.

Cora wished she had better news. To be honest, the walks did nothing but give her coughing fits. “I am not sure.” She answered truthfully. “My lungs are not clearing up, I cannot seem to get the mucus loose enough to cough it up. No matter how many walks, Rosamund forces me on.” Cora sighed.

“Is there anything I can do?” Robert inquired.

“Sybil was talking about percussion on my chest area, but she doesn’t have the strength for it. She can explain to you how to do it.”

“When they are back, I will ask her about it.” Robert stared at a painting on the wall. Being with Cora had never been this hard. They always had something to talk about. But now he felt only awkwardness. How did they get of the trail this much.

+++

Robert and Cora had gone out for a walk, and they both hoped it would help ease things up. Cora had been so out of breath that there was not much room for a conversation while they were walking. It had been mostly Robert who had done the talking.

“Did Edith tell you about the magazine she wants to work for.” Cora asked after they sat down on a bench. Cora had managed to walk to the end of Buckingham Palace garden, but before they walked back, she needed a minute.

“No.” Robert turned towards Cora. “That sounds interesting, I had expected her to do something with her writing talent.”

Cora raised her eyebrows. She had suspected a different reaction from Robert. “You are not upset?”

Robert chuckled. “You sound surprised.”

“Well….” Cora started.

“Ok, I admit, I understand that you are surprised.” Robert always was sceptical about everything Edith did. “Are you ready to walk back?” He gave Cora a concerning look when she coughed.

Cora blew her nose and got up. “This was nothing. It was not close to a coughing fit.” She padded his arm. “I think Rosamund will be back in the meantime.”

 

The truth always comes out, chapter 18

Rosamund entered the room with her arms full with drinks and snacks. Cora looked surprised at her. “How do you think we will eat all that? That is so much?”

At that same time the door opened again, and Edith and Sybil stepped inside, they were dressed in their pyjama’s. “We will help with that.” Edith said.

“Girls?” Cora said surprised. “I thought you were going out?”

“Oh mum, you are so gullible. Of course, we are not going out, we finally have time with just us girls, without dad.” Sybil said, smiling, she nestled herself next to her mother on the couch.

“Exactly mum, we have missed you last week and we want to spend time together with you.” She sat down on the other side on the couch and rested her head on Cora’s shoulder.

Cora moved her hand up and cupped her cheek. With her other hand she took Sybil’s in hers. “I love you girls, thank you.

“Make sure you will be better soon; we need you back at home.” Edith said.

“Especially dad.” Sybil added.

This last comment hit Cora hard. She felt sorry for Robert. She could imagine how he was dealing with this. drinking too much alcohol and not eating. Snarling at everybody around him and putting blame everywhere, except on himself. Why did she feel sorry, she thought. He did this to himself. If he had not cheated, she would not have left Downton. Instantly she felt guilty about this feeling because she was also part of his cheating. She sighed, what was she supposed to do? Just forget about what happened and go on with her life together with Robert? Could she do that? Or was this too much? How was she going to leave her girls behind?

She felt Sybil’s hand squeeze hers, she rested her head on Cora’s shoulder. Cora pressed a kiss in her hair and tried focussing on the movie that was playing.

+++

“Aunt Rosamund?” Sybil asked while they were in the kitchen, cleaning up. Cora had fallen asleep during the movie, and they decided to let her sleep. “Do you know why Mama is here?”

Rosamund hesitated for a minute, but she knew Sybil knew something was up. “Darling, your mum and dad are the one who need to answer that question.”

“So, there is something wrong between them, I knew it. Papa was acting all weird last week and it is not something Mama would do, being away from Papa for this long. They are the clingiest people I have ever seen.”

Rosamund laughed out loud, Sybil was right, if one couple tried to be always together it was Cora and Robert. It hurt her to see them in this place and she wished there was a way to help. “Sybil, I cannot tell you what is wrong.”

“It is not good for Mama’s health, now I start to understand why she is not improving, she has too much stress.”

“Sybil?” Edith asked, she had been sitting on the kitchen table, listening. “Do you think we need to wake Mama up and bring her to bed?”

Rosamund was the one answering. “I think that is indeed a good idea, she will sleep better in a bed, that couch is not made for sleeping.”

+++

“Bates, I do not know what to do.” Robert said while Bates put away his jacket.

“About what Milord?”

It still felt weird that Bates kept calling him Milord, he hired him, because they were old friends. He understood why Bates did it, but still it was weird. “About the Jane situation.”

“Well, I told you from the beginning you should have been honest towards her Ladyship. I knew she would be mad finding it out on her own. You telling her yourself could have soften the impact.”

Robert sighed, he was at fault in every aspect, even in not telling his wife.

“Then you did not get rid of that letter and made a scene about it. What do you think that looked like?” Bates continued.

“I…. She…. I…..” Robert stumbled.

“When I am totally honest, I would understand if she does not come back to you.”

This shocked Robert, he had not expected him to be this forward.

“You need to work hard to make up for what you did and even then, it will be a hard cookie to crack.” Bates handed him his nightrobe. “I hear her health is not improving, so the change she will be back in the house soon is small?”

“Words travel fast.” Robert said. “But you are right, it would not be smart to travel at the moment. It worries me that she is not improving.”

“You added a lot of stress on top of her.”

Robert sighed again. “It is a mess and I do not know where to start cleaning.”

“Go to London, show her you want to work on your relationship. Show her Jane meant nothing to you.”

Did Jane meant nothing to him? Was it only lust? No, he was sure, Jane meant nothing, he could not see himself with her in his future and he did see himself grow old with Cora, he only hoped she would still want that too.

+++

When Rosamund had woken Cora up, she had started crying. “Oh Rosamund, I do not know where to go from here. I cannot leave him, but staying with him is equally hard.”

“Ssstt.” Rosamund had tried to suss Cora, Sybil and Edith were in the same room. “We will talk about this later.”

But Cora could not stop and continued “I keep seeing them together in my dreams. As soon as I close my eyes they are there. Oh Rosamund, how could he. Was I so wrong for giving Mary my attention to build her new company?”

Edith had pulled Sybil out of the room. “We should not be here.” She said and urged Sybil upstairs.

“Cora, there are always two sides to a story, but I do not know what I would have done if it had been my Marmaduke.”

“You would have forgiven him, you two were made for each other.” She reached up her hand to brush Rosamund’s cheek.

“I can say the same thing about you and Robert, darling sister.” From the start Cora and Rosamund had called each other their sister, they never used the term sister-in-law. “Now let’s go, time for bed.”

++++

Sybil entered her mother’s room. “Are you awake?” She asked softly.

“Hmmm, barely.” Was Cora’s answer.

“Can I sleep with you?”

Cora turned around and pulled the duvet back. “What is it darling?”

“I cannot sleep.”

“That I figured.” She pulled the duvet over Sybil’s shoulders, once she laid down.

“I heard what you said to Aunt Rosamund. What did Papa do?”

Cora froze for a second. She had not realised her girls had been downstairs. “Darling, you know I always say that we have to be open and honest to each other. But this is something between your father and me. It has nothing to do with you, Edith or Mary, do not worry about that.” Cora wrapped her arm around Sybil and pulled her against her chest. “Try to get some sleep.” She pressed her lips on the top of Sybil’s head.

Sybil nestled closer against her mother. She had not slept next to her mother since she was a little girl. She felt her mother’s body jolt from trying not to cough, Sybil lifted her chin. “Mama, if you hold it in, you will never get better.”

The truth always comes out, chapter 17

“Mama?” Sybil’s voice sounded through the phone. “How are you doing?”

Cora had curled herself up in one of Rosamund’s comfortable chairs. Yesterday she went to a doctor in London, the coughing seemed to worsen. She got some different medication to help loosen the mucus in her lungs and the order to make daily walks to activate her lungs. This way, the mucus would be easier to cough up. “Not much better, but I hope that the new medication is going to work.” She told Sybil everything about her doctor’s visit and the advice she got. Cora knew how interested Sybil was in everything medical. “How are things at home?”

It stayed silent for a second, Cora heard Sybil breathe in. “You are missed.” She said.

Cora felt her heart ache. She could imagine how Robert was feeling and behaving. Was he eating? She suddenly thought, and was he able to sleep? The last part was hard on her end, too. Every night, images of Robert and Jane haunted her.

“Mama?” Sybil said cautiously. “Why did you leave Papa?”

Cora swallowed. She could have known, Sybil would figure out, that it was not just for her health that she went to Rosamund. “I did not leave your Papa sweetheart.”

“Is it because of Tom and me?” Sybil continued.

“What? Oh no, no, no, no. It is not that sweety.” Cora wished she could wrap her arms around her little girl. “Your Papa and I are not fighting because of who you love. Darling, do not worry, Papa will get used to having Tom in our lives.”

“If it is not that, why are you not coming home?” Sybil’s voice cracked.

Cora felt a tear rolling down her cheek. “Darling, I need a bit more time before I can come back.” She paused for a second. “You know what, why are you not coming here for the weekend?”

She could hear Sybil cheer up. “That is a wonderful idea, I will tell Papa and pack my bag immediately.”

“And Rosamund will pick you up from the station, just let us know when you will arrive.”

“Can Mary and Edith come too? We will make a girls weekend out of it.”

Cora chuckled, “If they want to.” She could not see Mary going on a trip together with Edith, but who knew.

“Are you ready for a walk?” Rosamund popped her head around the corner. She spooked Cora. “Look at you, you cannot go for a walk all wrapped up in a blanket.” Rosamund continued.

“Sybil, darling, let us know when you arrive, and we will be there, I need to hang up. My drill master is urging me outside.” Cora joked and gave Rosamund a smile. “See you in three days.”

Sybil’s voice sounded serious. “But that advice of the doctor is very good. You need to listen and go for that walk. You will feel better, I promise.”

“Doctors orders, come on.” Rosamund insisted.

+++

“Are you all going to London tomorrow?” Robert said surprised, they were all sitting at the dinner table. Violet had come to join them.

“Not me, Papa.” Mary said. “I do not have time, Mama can decide to leave this house, but we have so much work for the next events left.”

“Mama is in London for her health, Mary you know that this is not fair.” Edith said defensive.

“We are not all, that stupidly naïf as you are, Edith.” Mary sneered back.

“Well, well, girls. Watch your manners.” Violet said. She turned to Robert. “Cora is in London to recover, is she not?”

Robert nodded. “She is.” He could not say more without his voice breaking. What if Cora wanted a divorce? How was he going to deal with the girls. Where would the girls go, were they going to stay here, or follow Cora? And where would Cora go? All her family lived in America. He almost gasped. What if she left for America. He would never see her again. His mother noticed his shock.

“Girls, you can go through, your Papa, and I will follow.” Violet said, urging the girls out of the dining room.

“But we have not had desert yet.” Edith complained.

“You can eat that in the drawing room, now chop chop.”

Once Mary and Edith left the room, Violet turned towards Robert. “And now you are going to tell me what is wrong.”

Robert did not look up. He twirled the wine that was still in his glass. “Cora’s lungs are not improving. Rosamund told me that they went to a doctor to get her checked out again.”

“Robert, if Cora’s health was that bad, you would be there with her. No, there is something else.”

Robert sighed.

“I noticed that you did not eat much, and you drink a lot. Now, I know you long enough to know something is wrong. The girls are in a different room, there is no staff around. You can tell me.”

He could tell her. How, he could not even tell Cora. Let alone his mother. There was a small chance that Violet would support him, because she still treated Cora as if she did not know how to run this household.

“I am waiting.” Violet said.

Robert looked up. “Cora and I have to figure some things out, and it was better for us that she would be away from here for a while.”

“So, you two are lying about her health towards your children and me?”

“Oh, no, Mama.” Robert raised his eyebrows in shock. “I wish her lungs were better, but unfortunately, they are not.”

“She could have stayed here. Our doctors are good, especially Dr. Clarkson.”

“Mama, it was better for her to go to London. We are it discussing this any further.”

“As you wish, you would rather talk about Tom?”

+++

Rosamund padded Cora’s back while she was leaning with her hand against a wall to steady herself. “The doctor was right. Walking helps loosen the crap in your lungs.” She offered Cora a tissue.

Cora used it gratefully and asked for a second one to blow her nose.

“As long as it is coming back every time, it does not help, does it?” Cora said, slightly annoyed. “Can we please start walking back? This is our second walk today, and I am exhausted.”

Rosamund hooked her arm in Cora’s and bumped her shoulder softly against Cora’s. “But it is keeping your mind of things, is it not?”

Cora had to admit. She had so many coughing fits during their walks that there was no time to mull over Robert’s escapades, and in the evening, she was now so tired that she fell asleep instantly.

Tomorrow Sybil and Edith would come. She had hoped to feel better and do something fun with them. She rarely did something with just her girls these days. They were growing up so fast. Sybil would soon leave their house. Once Mary would start dating Matthew, she would also leave soon. The only one who would stay was Edith, she thought, poor Edith, she always struggled with everything in life. Cora worried if she had given her enough attention in her younger years.

First, she had Mary, a first born is always difficult when Edith came, things were easier. Edith had been an easy baby who did not ask much, and it happened a lot that Cora’s attention went to Mary instead of Edith. Mary asked a lot of her time. Then came Sybil, her darling cuddly baby. She had loved soaking up her warmth, her small body wrapped around her chest. It took Robert and her quite some time before they finally held a healthy baby in their arms again. They never had a boy, Robert’s biggest wish. Her last pregnancy was unexpected, but more than welcome. Unfortunately, the little boy did not survive the hard stumble she made, stepping out of the bathtub.

Cora felt Rosamund grip strengthen on her arm. “Let’s have another coughing fit, it will stop your worrying.”

Both ladies laughed so hard that Cora ended up in an actual coughing fit.

The thruth always comes out, chapter 16

Thank you for coming.” Robert kissed Rosamund on her cheek.

“Of course, I will always be here when needed. Where is Cora?” Rosamund looked around.

“She is upstairs, packing her bag. I think she is ready. I will go and get her.” Robert left Rosamund in the drawing room and walked upstairs. He knocked on Cora’s door and stepped inside.

Cora had expected Rosamund to step inside, but it was Robert. She had not seen him after their conversation yesterday. She refused to go down for lunch or dinner. Being in his presence did not help ordering her thoughts. She felt it directly when he came in, she wanted to give in and forget about everything, she regretted kissing his cheek yesterday. She did not even know why she did that, it was a habit.

Robert stepped closer. “Rosamund is here to pick you up. Are you sure this is the best way?”

The expression on Robert’s face made her look away. ‘Do not give in, be strong.’ She said to herself. “I am sure.” Cora bent down to pick up her bags.

“Let me carry them.”

Without a word, Cora handed him the bags and headed to the stairs.

---

“Girls, you can ring me when you need me alright?”

“When will you be back?” Sybil asked.

Cora’s heart broke, her innocent little girl, who wanted to be with the boy she loved. She could only hope Robert would not pester her to much these coming days. “I do not know yet.” Cora wished she could be honest with her girls. How much would they guess; she did not know.

Robert walked back inside, after putting her stuff in the car. Briefly he touched her hip. “The car is ready when you two are.” He said.

“Thank you.” Cora looked up to Robert. What was he feeling? Did he regret what he did, or did he regret it coming out? She could not tell. Without kissing him, she walked towards the car.

“I will take good care of her.” Rosamund said, she kissed Robert’s cheek. They did not tell her the real reason, why Cora was coming to her place. She knew, there was something off between them, Cora would tell her later.

---

“Did you see that?” Sybil asked Edith.

Edith looked up from her magazine. They went into the drawing room after Rosamund and their mother had left. Robert had gone out for a walk. “What should I have seen?”

“Mama did not kiss Papa goodbye.” Sybil said with a worried expression on her face.

“That whole exchange was weird.” Mary chimed in.

“Do you think there is something wrong?” Edith put her magazine down.

“I think they are fighting.” Sybil said.

“But whatever would be so bad that Mama is leaving this house?” Mary contemplated.

“What if the fight is about me and Tom?”

“Do not be silly, of course not.” Mary said brisk.

“You do not know that, Mary.” Edith said. “Papa is very upset about it. It could be definitely a reason for them to fight.”

“I am feeling rather guilty, did you guys hear Mama cough when she got in the car? I do not know how wise it is for her to travel already.” Sybil remarked.

Mary got up and walked over to Sybil, she sat down next to her and wrapped her arm over her shoulder. “Aunt Rosamund will take care of Mama when needed, there are wonderful doctors in London if something is wrong. And stop worrying about Papa’s feelings regarding Tom. You are in love with him, and Papa will need to accept it. And I honestly thing something else is wrong. I hear the staff talking about a letter and do you remember Papa yelling at Daisy?”

“Can you ask Anna about that letter?” Edith asked, looking at Mary.

“Do not be daft, I am not going to ask her, she will tell me when she thinks we need to know. I am not going to brake the trust bond we have over a stupid letter.”

The door opened and Robert stepped inside. He looked awful, Mary thought. “I think you can use a whiskey.” She said.

Robert nodded and walked over to the table to poor himself a drink. He hoped the girls would not start asking questions.

---

Cora was caught off guard, when a coughing fit had hit here, while getting into the car. It had lead Rosamund to reassure the driver it was not contagious, and they could drive on. She had padded Cora on her back to help loosen the mucus.

“It does not seem that you are improving, does it?” Rosamund stated.

While trying to get her breathing under control she muttered. “It was worse.”

“Well, I will make sure you will take your rest as soon as we are back in London.” Rosamund looked at Cora. “Can you tell me what is wrong between you and Robert?” Before Cora could answer, Rosamund continued. “Do not tell me everything is alright, there must be a reason why you are not convalescing in Downton, where Robert can take care of you, but mostly, there must be a reason why you did not give Robert a goodbye kiss.”

Cora looked down at her hands, she knew she needed to tell Rosamund the truth, but she had hoped it would take a little bit longer before the question popped up. She felt tears burning behind her eyes.

Rosamund put her hand on Cora’s. “You can tell me when you are ready for it.”

Rosamund’s words opened the floodgates, Rosamund pulled here close, and Cora let the tears stream down her cheeks. She could not even stop it, her body shaking with every sob. “He cheated, oh Rosamund, Robert cheated on me.”

Cora felt Rosamund stiffen up. “My brother? Robert? He cheated on you?”

Cora sat back up. “You think I am overreacting?” Cora was surprised by Rosamund’s reaction; how could she think she was making this up.”

“Cora, you are misunderstanding me. I am baffled that Robert did that. He is over his ears in love with you, I never expected him to be this weak and stray away from you. When did this happen?”

During the rest of the car ride Cora told her everything what Robert had told her.

The truth always comes out, chapter 15

After another restless night, Cora walked downstairs, towards Robert’s office. She was haunted by the most horrible images of Robert with Jane. He had not asked if he could come back into her room, that scared Cora. Was he regretting their marriage? Was he still seeing Jane?

Cora tried to shake off those thoughts, it did not help her. The only thing that she needed now was to see Robert. She opened his office door and there he was, sitting at his desk. His back turned towards the door. His hair was getting long in his neck, the chestnut brown hairs, where steadily replaced by grey ones. She loved his pepper and salt colouring. His hand moved over his head, a gesture that was so familiar to Cora. She knew he would sigh in just a second.

And yes, there it was, Robert left out a sigh, resting his head in his hands for a second. Cora felt her stomach go weak. She wanted to comfort him. Slowly she walked towards him and softly placed her hand on his shoulder. “Robert, we need to talk.” she said.

She spooked Robert, who turned around. When he saw Cora, he answered. “You are right.”

Cora pulled a chair close and sat down, she did not want to move to a different room or the couch that was in his room. “I need to know what happened between you and…”It was hard to say her name, Cora noticed, but she managed. “You and Jane.” Cora swallowed, she felt a lump in her throat, but she was determined not to cry, not yet at least.

“It meant nothing, I mean that Cora, it meant nothing.”

“That is not what I am asking. I need to know what happened that night you met in a room.” She folded her hands in her lap, in an attempt to stop them from shaking.

Robert looked at her hands, he would love to take them in his and comfort Cora, his wife, but he refrained from the desire. “We never had intercourse. We did not go that far.”

“How far did you go then? It must have been more than just words for her to leave a letter like she did, and for you to keep it.”

Why did he kept that letter, why was he still thinking of Jane, did he genuinely want Jane over Cora? And how was he going to answer this question? He wanted to be honest, but at the same time he did not want to hurt Cora more then she already was. “I had undressed her.” He said with his voice almost inaudible.

“Oh my God, no. No, no no.” Cora exclaimed. She kept repeating no very softly. She could not believe her ears, this was more than just a fantasy, he had acted on his fantasy.

“Cora.” Robert put his hands on Cora’s, she did not react and kept repeating: ‘no, no, no.’ “Cora, I was lost and did not think about what I was doing. When Sybil called out for me, I came back to earth and realised it was wrong. I stopped and tried to stop her. But she kept coming after me and she kept seducing me. So that is when I asked for her to be fired. She could not stay in this household anymore.”

Cora stared at him; how could he think of keeping her on after what happened. “You wanted to keep her close.” She whispered. “You wanted her as your backup.”

“No, I did not. But she has a young boy and losing her job would be a disaster for her. She should not have to suffer for my actions.”

“Robert!” Cora’s raised her voice. “How can you be so selfish. First you seduce a woman, than try to go to bed with her, and when you decide it is over, you want to keep her in the same household.” Cora fell silence when she realised something. “You had hoped I would die, so you could go on with Jane.” Cora looked up into Robert’s eyes. “That’s it. You wanted to keep her just in case I would not make it.”

Robert’s eyebrows raised in shock. “Never, darling, never. I prayed every day you would survive. Cora! Jane meant nothing; it was a mistake. I do not know why I did not throw her letter away; I should have. I do not have feelings for Jane. Those feelings are not real, I know they are not real. There was no affection coming from you, and I searched for it somewhere else.” He stopped for a second, when he saw Cora’s eyes change into ice pools. “I am not saying that it was correct what I did, but you were absent in heart and mind. At night when I tried to start something, you would be asleep already, or you were not even in the bedroom yet. How many nights, I have fallen asleep, wishing you were in my arms. Wishing you would kiss me.”

She pulled her hands away from Robert’s and shoved her chair back. “I know I have not been the perfect wife for you over the last weeks.” Her eyes studying the lines in the floor.

“Months more likely.” Robert said under his breath.

Cora looked up again, her eyes big, her eyebrows high. “Why did you not come to me, why did you not make me aware of your feelings?”

“You were so happy with the new company; it was going well and then Tom happened and you did not seem to mind. Tom, I beg you. Tom a chauffeur, marrying our darling Sybil. and every time I tried to initiate private time, you never reacted, or you brushed me away.”

“You never tried talking with me. Oh Robert, where did we go wrong, we always talked about everything. And now you could not even talk to me about your needs.” Cora put her hands back in her lap. “Where did we go wrong.” This last sentence was more a thought than an audible sentence.

Robert pulled Cora’s chair closer to him again and took her hands in his. “We are talking now. We can go on from where we are now. Don’t you think?” His voice hopeful.

Cora’s heart wanted to give in, lean against his chest and let his heartbeat calm her down. Letting him reassure her that the world was not this dark place she was in now. She wanted to feel his lips on hers, knowing that whatever would happen, they were together. But her mind pushed back, something had changed. He had cheated on her and not only in his mind, but he had also acted on his feelings. Could she ever forgive him, was there a way? Could she ever be sure, he had forgotten about Jane?

She straightened her back. “I need time to think.” Suddenly she got up. “I am going to Rosamund, I need to be away from here, from you.” She knew that those last words would hurt Robert immensely, but she needed him to suffer. Even though she knew he was already suffering.

Robert felt his blood thicken in his body. Cora was leaving him; she was going to leave him. Would she come back from Rosamund or was this a first step. Was there a way he could prevent her from leaving. He realized that forbidding her to go to Rosamund, would result in an instant divorce, but how could he be sure she would come back to him. He also got up from his chair and stepped closer to Cora. He stroke with his hand over her cheek, he felt Cora react, but he kept from going further. “Are you well enough for the trip? We should ask Sybil to travel with you?”

Why did her body react so eagerly on his touch. She did not want that, she needed to keep her mind clear, and she could not with him touching her. His hand on her cheek, was enough to make her soft. “I can ask Sybil to go with me, but what are we going to say? I do not want the girls to know why I am going away.”

“We will ask Rosamund to drive up here and take you with her. We do not need to give a reason. You and Rosamund always had a good relationship, so this is just a girls get away.”

Cora chuckled. “You truly think the girls do not suspect something is wrong? The whole house is buzzing. The reason we will give is, that I need more rest.” She quickly kissed his cheek and left.

The truth always comes out, chapter 14

“Mary? Have you seen Mama today?” Sybil asked.

Mary looked up from her desk and looked at the clock. “Now you mention it, I haven’t seen her. That is weird. I have to ask her something about the event we will have next month, so I will go up after lunch. I think she is just tired from the day before yesterday.”

“Probably. As long as she isn’t having a relapse.” Sybil frowned.

“Papa would have mentioned it this morning.”

“He was awfully quiet this morning.” Sybil’s eyebrows lowered.

“Anna told me that he had yelled at Daisy yesterday. Something is bothering him.”

Sybil now lowered her eyes. “I am afraid it is me.”

“Oh Sybil, one day he will accept Tom. I truly believe he will.”

“It doesn’t matter, I love Tom and want to be with him, whatever Papa thinks of it.”

“Well, as long as you are happy. Let us go. Lunch is probably ready.”

+++

“Thank you, O’Brien.” Cora gave her, her lunch tray. She had not wanted to face Robert. Not yet, she did not know what to do. Robert had feelings for another woman, but she gave him space to grow those feelings. She made him feel lonely. That was not a license, of course, but what if she had paid more attention. What if she had seen his pain and taken care of him. But she had been so preoccupied with the new company that she completely forgot to pay attention to him. She had not realized how much pain he was in, from Sybil’s choice. She also did not understand why Sybil could not love Tom. That class system was outdated.

She sighed. She needed to know what exactly had happened between him and Jane. Was it lust, or was it more? She and Robert had not touched each other for months now. She missed him immensely, and he clearly missed the physical touch also. But why did he not come to her? Was she so closed off for him? He deserved better and she needed to talk to him. She had to know how he felt about Jane and where they were standing.

In the last couple of days, he had mentioned so many times, that he could not lose her. She had thought it was because she was so ill, but there was more behind. It made her angry again, thinking about this. He had not told her himself what had happened, would he ever had told her? If she had never gotten that letter, Robert would not have told her she thought. That thought made her even more angry. He was a coward, she should not feel this guilty, yes, she did not give him what he needed, but running into the arms of another woman. A maid working in their house!

Cora scolded herself for that last thought, she did not judge Tom for being a chauffeur, why did she judge Jane for being a maid? There was nothing wrong with being a maid, and she was more than grateful, there were people willing to work for them. She sighed again; she rested her head in her hands. How were they going on from here. She was torn, she loved Robert, she truly did. But did he still love her? And could she ever forgive him for what he did.

A deep sigh left her body, she needed to talk to Robert. She needed to know more details. Was it an incident or reoccurring? Suddenly she felt tears streaming over her cheeks. She and Robert had the perfect marriage, Cora had always thought there was nothing that could come in between them. They survived his mother’s dislike of their marriage. The miscarriages before Sybil finally was born. The loss of his father and the weight of Downton on Robert’s shoulders. They always withstood everything together. Nothing could break them, was this going to break them?

Without a knock Cora’s bedroom door opened and Mary appeared. Quickly Cora whipped away her tears.

“Mama?” Mary rushed towards her mother, what is wrong?”

Cora padded Mary’s hand. “Nothing, darling, I just had a coughing fit, the tears are from that.” She lied, hoping Mary would buy it.

“Alright.” Mary accepted her mother’s answer very easily, something that always happened with her, when something was not really of interest for her, it did not matter. “Can you help me with next month’s event.

Glad about the distraction, Cora blew her nose, and cleared her throat, what resulted in a real coughing fit.

Mary waited for her mother to catch her breath again. “That mucus does not want to go away, does it?”

Cora shook her head; the coughing fits did hurt er quite a bit and cost her a lot of energy. She was glad when this would also slip away, but Dr. Clarkson had told her this could take days, up to weeks. And the way it was now going, it would be closer to weeks. “It needs time. How can I help you?”

+++

Robert took Isis out for a long walk, Cora had sent him away last night, and did not ask for him today. She also had her lunch in her room, something Cora only did when she was ill. Even on the days they fought in the past, she had always come for lunch. But he really blew it this time. Bates had been right; she would find out. Robert was sure, O’Brien had a hand in it, why did she give that letter to Cora? O’Brien must have read the letter and made sure Cora would read it. Oh, he had never liked that woman, they should have fired her long ago. There was something off with that woman. How many people did she tell about the contents of that letter? Oh, and why did Anna give the letter to O’Brien, she should had known better.

“Milord?” Bates voices sounded.

Robert turned around. “What is it Bates.” He said harsher then he intended.

“I heard, O’Brien told her ladyship that Anna gave her a letter, is it not?”

This got Robert by surprise, Bates knew already, that Cora had seen the letter? “How do you know?” But looking at Bates face he continued. “Never mind, O’Brien told her ladyship indeed that Anna gave her the letter.”

“Unfortunately, that is a lie. Anna had put the letter in between the other letters that should go up to you. Of course, O’Brien knew about a special letter, because I am sorry to say this, but after yelling at Daisy everybody downstairs knew about a special letter. And O’Brien nosy as she is, read you letters.”

Robert’s face darkened, “All my letters?”

“I do not think so, because the letters I brought to you in your study were all closed. weren’t they?”

“They indeed were closed. O’Brien managed to get the right letter in her first try. But why did Anna leave that letter on the pile? She should had known better and handed it to me in private.”

“Milord, Anna thought it was best, to treat it as a normal letter to make sure no one could suspect anything, but she forgot that O’Brien has a nasty master mind. She is truly sorry Milord.”

Robert calmed down a little bit. “It is not Anna’s fault. You can tell her that. I now realised why O’Brien picked out the right letter, it was the only one with just my name on it. All the other ones were addressed to Downton. Oh, it is all a big mess.”

Robert looked at Isis who laid down on the grass, patiently waiting for him to walk on. “Come on girl, let us walk some more.” and he took off.