“Come in, come in.” Violet said, when Cora was let in by her butler.
Unsure she sat down and accepted the teacup she was handed. Cora was not sure why she came; Violet had not told her. With a question mark in her eyes, she looked at Violet. As always, she could not read her.
“I hope that your trip up here went easy.” Violet drank from her tea.
Cora nodded. “It did. The train was right on time and your chauffeur was waiting at the station. Thank you for sending him.”
“Of course, I would not let you go in a cab.”
Cora heard the undertone and knew her mother-in-law was reprimanding Robert’s behaviour. He had let her go in a cab, back to London the last time she was up here. She looked at her watch, depending on why Violet wanted her here, she could easily make the last train back tonight.
“You are late for something?” Violet said.
She startled Cora who immediately sat straight up. “I am sorry, I did not mean to be rude.”
“Well, are you?”
Am I what thought Cora. Violet must have seen her confused look because she said.
“Are you late for something?”
Cora felt her cheeks colour. “I am sorry Mama; no, I am not. I was thinking about the last train back to London tonight. But I can take a cab if I cannot make that one.”
“You are going back tonight. I see.”
+++
Robert decided to walk towards his mother’s house. He did not know why he needed to come and why he could not come tomorrow. It irritated him, that his mother never explained things. But he had learned to just follow, it was easier that way. He glanced towards the plate with letters on his way out, no letters arrived today. He felt a slight pain, did Cora read his letter? Or had she thrown the envelop away when she recognized his handwriting? And if she had read it, was she going to accept his apology. He let out a deep sigh, he had reached his mother’s house in the meantime.
Her butler opened the door and guided him towards the sitting room. He heard voices and for a minute he thought it was Cora’s voice, but that was not possible. He was imagining things, but when the door opened, he recognized her instantly. The way her curls fell over her shoulders. They were in a half up do, but some strands had escaped and cascaded down. The sun that came in through the window, made them light up. She was wearing a light blue blouse; he had not seen that one before. It was decorated with small white flowers. She was sitting towards the door with her back, so she had not seen him yet. He gave his mother a strange look, he wanted to greet them, but his voice was stuck in his throat.
“My dear boy, you are right on time.” Violet said.
Robert saw Cora’s shock; she did not know he was coming. That was clear from how she stiffened up. He knew exactly what look she had on her face. She did not turn towards him. Robert got his voice back. “Mama, I did not know you had company, I will come back another time.” He said, his voice unsteady and a bit hoarse.
“Please, come in.” Violet said, ignoring his hesitation.
Robert stepped further into the room and kissed his mother on her cheek. Hesitant he turned towards Cora. She was looking at him, with her big eyes. Her eyebrows slightly raised. She tried to control her breathing, but he saw it was fast. He knew her heart was raising, as was his. “Hello Cora.” He managed to get out of his mouth.
“Hello.” Her voice was as unsteady and hoarse as his was.
The butler stepped back inside. “Milady, I am sorry, but Mrs. Bird is asking to have a word with you.”
Violet said: “I am back soon.” and she left.
Robert was still standing in the middle of the room; he saw Cora was looking down at her hands. He saw her fidgeting with her handkerchief. It was one he gave her, her initials where embroidered in one of the corners. He had them made for her, he did not remember the occasion. Nervously he scraped his throat. “How are you doing.” He did not dare to ask about his letter.
Cora looked up. “Good.” She saw Robert sit down in the chair his mother just sat in. He was as confused as she was. Did Violet let them both come here so they had to talk. Did she know Robert had send a letter to her? No that was not possible, Robert would not be this surprised to see her. Should she start about that letter, she had meant to write him back, but she could not find the courage to start.
“How wonderful that Matthew finally asked Mary’s hand in marriage.”
Typically, in Robert’s fashion, he started a random conversation. It was his go to strategy when he did not know how to manage a situation. It was or random talk, walking away or getting angry. She was relieved he chose random talk this time. “It is indeed wonderful. She already made an appointment to go dress shopping in London.”
“Our second daughter who will be a wife. Soon we will be grandparents for the first time and who knows Mary will follow soon.”
Cora looked at Robert, was he genuinely happy to become a grandparent? Had he really changed his mind about Sybil and Tom. Was he accepting their choice? “Did they find a house already?” Cora stopped her question, when she realised, she only knew about the house because of the letter.
Robert’s mouth formed a smile, but he tried to hide it. She had read his letter; she must have read it.
“I meant to write you back.” Cora started. “I did not know how and where to start.”
Was she going to say she accepted his apology or was she going to reject him. Robert could not read her face. Cora’s face had never been a mystery to him, he could see everything on it. She was like an open book to him. During many of their grand dinners, he had only looked at her to know if she was enjoying the night or not. The many stolen looks they gave each other from across the room, without words, they told each other a lot.
“I have to thank you for sending that letter. It was the first genuine thing you did in months.” Cora knew she was sounding harsh, but she could not help it. She saw Robert’s face go from relief to a painful look. “I accept your apology and have to give you mine too.” She saw hope on Robert’s face. “You are not only to blame in this, I also made……”
“Cora, I am to blame.” He stopped her. “I treated you badly the last time you were at Downton, and you did not deserve that. We both made a mess, I agree, but the last months is fully on me. You had every right to ask for that divorce. I damaged you.”
Cora had to fight to hold back her tears. This was the Robert she had known all these years. He could be impulsive in his reactions, sometimes it was in an effective way and sometimes it was not. But he never stayed angry for long. The last year had been a rollercoaster and it felt like the cart finally came to a stop.
Robert saw Cora’s eyes shimmering from tears. Everything in him told him to get up and sit next to her, but he was not sure if that was what Cora wanted.
“We both made mistakes. I think we can agree on that.” She forced herself to push her shoulders back. She drank the last sip of her tea to make the lump in her throat go away.
Robert saw her determination come back and he knew the chance to sit next to her had gone. But it was alright, this was a first step he thought. They were at least talking to each other again.
Verhalen van Traan 