Drabble – Hope we can still get tickets on the Blue Train

Cora took a deep breath, and her hands moved from Robert’s shoulders to his hands. “Now… we must make an early start tomorrow.” She squeezed his hands and gave him a soft smile. Her eyes were still beaming with love for him. “And it’s hours past my bedtime.”

Robert chuckled. “Oh, dear.” He dabbed his eyes with his handkerchief. He had not realised how tired Cora must have been this whole trip. He had been too occupied with himself, and now he felt guilty.

“Hope we can still get tickets on the Blue Train.” Cora said while sliding her arm in Robert’s.

Robert put his handkerchief back in his pocket and rested his hand briefly on Cora’s. They walked back up the stairs towards the house. He looked at Cora, who achieved holding a posture like nothing had happened. He still felt the tears on his cheeks. His entire world had broken down in just a minute time. Losing his mother, his name, and now also his everything, his Cora. They arrived at the top of the stairs, where the guests were still on the dance floor. He saw Edith dancing with Bertie, and Tom was holding Lucy in his arms. Two youngster who were at the beginning of their lives together. They had so much to look forward to.

He felt Cora’s fingers tightening around his arm. He looked at her. How could she be so strong? He felt terrible, and it was written on his face. Cora notched his shoulder with hers. He looked at her again. He understood what she wanted to say. He straightened his back and guided her alongside the dancefloor back into the house. He smiled and said goodbye to several guests. He felt jealousy looking at the dancing couples. He should be there too with his Cora, twirling her around. His Cora in his arms. They were like one once they were on the dance floor. It was one of his favourite activities to do with her.

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Cora sat down on the chair in front of her dressing table, with a painful face. This night had exhausted her to the bone. This trip had taken a toll on her but telling Robert had worn her out completely. There was no energy left inside her to stay strong. She sat there with her shoulders bent forward, waiting for Baxter to enter. She had not said anything, but Cora knew that Baxter knew something was wrong with her. She was grateful for the way she had taken extra care of her.

A deep sigh left Cora’s body. She could not manage to lift up her head to look at herself in the mirror. She knew already what she would see. An old, tired face with wrinkles. Deep lines around her mouth and dark circles under her eyes. The door opened, but she still could not lift her head up. She did not have the energy. She heard footsteps and knew they were not those of Baxter. It was Robert who came in. He had changed quickly, she thought. Or had she been sitting her for longer than she realised. With a lot of effort, she lifted her head and turned towards Robert.

His face had gotten older, too. And it seemed like he had aged 10 years in this last hour. She was the reason he looked like that, and she felt guilty. She should not have told him. Why did she feel the need to tell him now. It was Edith who had encouraged her, and deep down, Cora knew it was better. Robert deserved to know, but she wanted to protect him from this.

Robert stepped closer and put his hand under Cora’s chin. He lifted her head and very softly brushed his lips against hers. “Let me help you.” He said.

He started with her necklace, and then he carefully took out her earrings. He looked at the dress she was wearing and searched for a zipper.

“It is two pieces.” Cora said soft.

Robert got on his knees in front of her. Very carefully, he lifted her feet one by one and slipped off the shoe. His fingers softly glided over her ankles and feet. He then moved on to remove her stockings. He unclipped the garter clips that attached the stockings to her girdle and rolled down the stocking. As he had seen her done multiple times before.

Then he got up and found Cora’s nightgown and slippers. He helped Cora put her feet in the slippers. He put his hands under Cora’s arms and lifted her to her feet. He got scared when he noticed how light she was. How did he not notice that before. She was a slender woman, but now it was like nothing was left of her.

He looked at her bent forward figure. There was nothing left from the strong Cora he knew. There was not an inch of energy inside her. “You need to help me with your dress, I am afraid.”

“The skirt is attached with hooks.” Her voice a whisper.

Robert’s fingers searched and found the hooks. Once they were unhooked, he could lower the skirt. Leaning heavily on him, she stepped out of the skirt. She lifted her arms so he could pull the top up.

When he had undressed her fully, he slipped the nightgown over her head.

Cora sat back down, her eyes met his, through the mirror. She was lucky, she thought. He had not loved her from the start, but love came, and they had been happy. So incredibly happy.

Robert unpinned her hair. Her chestnut brown curls started cascading down her back and over her shoulders. He tried to put them together with a ribbon, but he had never done that before. Baxter always made a braid, but that was a skill he was lacking.

Cora removed her gloves and rubbed creme on her hands and arms.

Robert rested his hands on her shoulders once every pin was lying on the dressing table. He pressed a kiss on her jawline. He helped her out of the last pieces of underwear that she did not wear to bed and slipped her nightgown over her head.

Cora was standing still like a doll. She lacked energy to help him with her night ritual. Once she was standing in her nightgown, ready to go to bed, she leaned against him. Cora rested her head against Robert’s shoulder. She inhaled his smell while she pressed her nose against his skin. Her arms rested on his hips.

Robert put his arms under Cora’s legs and carefully carried her towards the bed. Ever so careful, he put her on the matrass and pulled the duvet over her tiny figure. He could feel her pelvic bone when he put her down. It scared him that he had not seen her lose this much weight.

Quickly, he walked over to his side of the bed. He put his robe on the chair and scooted closer to Cora. He wanted to pull her in his arms, but she was lying so still that he was not sure what to do. Was she hurting? How did she feel? What was she feeling, and where did it hurt? He had so many questions he wanted to ask.

“Please hold me.” Cora’s voice was barely audible, but Robert heard her plead. He felt the bed move when Cora turned towards him and curled up in his arms. Her hand rested against his chest. He pressed a kiss on the crown of her head.

+++

Sun beams tried to light up the room. The curtains were not fully closed, Robert saw. He felt as if the world had done a spin and tried to throw him off. Cora was still lying against him. Her face had an angelic, restful look, he thought. He brushed a curl of her cheek. He had not done a decent job with her hair last night. Cora’s face lost that peaceful look, and he saw her brows furrow. He scolded himself. He had woken her up.

Robert pressed his lips on Cora’s forehead. “Good morning, my love.”

Cora managed to get a soft moan out of her throat. Her body ached, and she pressed her hands against her stomach when she felt the well-known cramps. She felt Robert’s strong hand on her upper arm, and it gave her strength to look up to him. “Thank you for last night.”

“Cora? What type of cancer do you think it is?” Robert needed to know, and he could not wait any longer with his questions. He felt Cora sigh. He did not let her answer and asked. “What symptoms do you have? How long do you feel like this? Have you seen Dr. Clarkson already? Why do you think it is cancer?”

Slowly, Cora pushed herself back a little so she could see Robert’s face. “Darling, please do not panic.” She put her hand on his face and kissed him. “I will freshen myself up a little bit and will answer all your questions.”

Robert saw Cora walk towards the bathroom. He also got up. He opened the curtains to let the sunlight in, and the room got a golden colour due to the sun. He fluffed up Cora’s pillows and put them up so she could rest against them once she was back. He walked over to her dressing table and tried to put his unruly hair back in place. His fingers glided over the gloves that were still on the table.

Cora came back, Robert did not know how she did it, but she looked refreshed, although when he gave her a second look, he saw the deep lines. Her eyebrows were drawn together, and the skin between them wrinkled. She sat back on the bed with an exhausted sigh.

“Are you still tired? Do you need more sleep?

“Darling, I am constantly tired. I have been tired for weeks now.”

How did he not see this? How was it possible that Cora had been this ill and he not seen anything? Was he so selfish?

It was as if Cora could read his mind. “Please, come sit next to me. You have not noticed anything because I hide it from you. I did not want to worry you.”

“Sweetheart, you should not have to deal with this alone. I am your husband.” Robert sat down next to her.

Cora padded his hand. “I did not know what we had to worry about, so I thought it would be best to first find out and then tell you. But this trip to the south of France had cost me so much energy that I am getting worried. It is more serious than I thought.” She raised her hand to Robert’s jaw when she saw his hopeless look. Softly, she brushed his skin with her fingers.

Robert rested his hand against hers. “Can you tell me what you feel?”

Cora contemplated for a minute, Robert never liked medical information, but he was asking her. She could not tell him about her soft bowel movements, her strange menstrual bleeding, and her bloating. He was her husband, but there was a line in what she could tell him.

“I have a constant heartburn. When I stand up too quickly, I feel lightheaded. I lost my appetite and am losing weight quickly. My stomach hurts all the time, and it even spreads to my back and pelvic.”

Robert’s face got white. “How did I not notice anything.” He said softly, shaking his head. “You have been feeling like this for weeks, and I have not seen you suffer. I did not notice you lost weight.”

“As I said, I hide it from you. I put on a smile and carried on. But coming here showed me I can no longer do that.” Her voice got caught in her throat when a soft sob escaped her mouth.

“And you do not longer have to.” Robert wrapped his arms around Cora and pulled her against his chest. “Oh, darling, my darling Cora.” He felt how she leaned against him, her hands on his back, moving up and down. He wanted to hold her close forever. He wanted to protect her from this, although he knew he could not. “It is cancer. Do you think it is cancer?” He forced himself to ask this question, even though he did not want to know the answer.

“Ovarian cancer, probably.” Cora said, defeated. She had seen it before in the hospital, and a lot of women lost the battle against it.

A knock on the door made them sit back up. The door opened slightly. “We have tickets for the Blue Train in three hours.” It was Edith’s voice. She did not step inside the room.

“Thank you, darling. We will be ready.” Cora answered. She leaned towards Robert and kissed him, a long and deep kiss. Once they broke the connection, she said: “We have to face the world again.”

Robert kissed her again. “Do we have to?”

Cora chuckled. “Let’s make the best out of it. I love you and hope to be your everything for a long, long time.” Cora’s lips found Robert’s again.