When Cora and Robert went to pick up Mary, Martha gave Cora a look of concern.
“My, my, you look tired my dear. Are you sleeping?”
Cora had to admit, she wasn’t, Mary wasn’t sleeping through the night and Cora didn’t want to wake up Robert, he needed to go to work every day.“ I will be alright mama, Robert and I just decided we will hire a cleaner, so I can take a nap when Mary is napping and……”
“You should stop going for lunch at your mother-in-law’s every day.” Martha interrupted her.
“Mother!” Cora exclaimed and gave a quick look at Robert. He was engaging with Mary, but turned around and said:
“Darling, you know your mother is right.” Meanwhile making Mary laugh.
Cora melted with love for him, he was such an amazing father. “Mama, we will talk to Violet, and I will stop going there every day. But I also think I need to start working again, I miss being busy.”
“Harold hired a new assistant, but we can fire her?”
“No, no, I don’t want my old job back, I want something more creative. I will just keep looking. But we also need to figure out how it will work out with Mary, I don’t want to leave her a whole day, and I’m still breastfeeding her”
“Darling, you are asking too much of yourself, Mary is 6 months now, you can easily switch to formula. Today I gave her formula, and she took it very well.”
Cora sighed, why didn’t Robert bring her pumped breastmilk this morning, she knew she needed to start with formula, so Robert could also feed Mary. But it wasn’t easy. She wanted to proof to Violet, she was a good mother. Every day, Violet had made comments about how she was dealing with Mary. She should lay her in her crib more, but Cora wanted to keep her close. Mary was the easiest to handle when she was in the sling and Cora loved having her little body close to her.
“Dearest?” Robert had laid his hand on her shoulder.
She shook up from her thoughts and saw her mother feeding Mary. “Sorry, what did you aks?”
“You were miles away; you want to share your thoughts?”
“Not now, sweetheart.”
Robert sighed annoyed.
Martha watched them and said: “You both can leave Mary here overnight, so you two can have a good night’s rest, talk with each other and just be together.”
Relented Cora agreed, Cora was scared to leave her little one behind, it would be her first night without Mary.
+++
Back home Cora had started dinner. Robert was sitting at the dinner table reading a magazine. After a while he put his magazine down and said: “We need to talk.”
Cora turned her head around with a question on her face. “What’s wrong, Robert?”
“Everything is wrong with you, but you aren’t including me in your troubles. Yesterday you broke down out of nowhere. If you are not talking to me, I don’t know how to help you.”
Cora lowered her eyes; she knew she was shutting Robert out. But she didn’t want to speak bad about his mother. “Can we first eat our dinner and then talk?”
“We can eat and talk at the same time. I will set the table.”
Cora took a deep breath when she set down opposite of Robert.
“You are overly tired, I noticed that a few weeks ago, but you said you were alright, but clearly you aren’t alright. Can you engage me in what’s going on?”
“Robert, I don’t know how to tell you this,” Cora started. “Your mother is criticising every step I make. At first breastfeeding Mary was wrong, but now I am not allowed to stop. I love carrying Mary in the sling, and Mary is also loving it, but your mother doesn’t agree. I went to baby swimming, but according to your mother that’s bad for Mary’s health. And I can name you a dozen other examples. I know you adore your mother, and I am starting to get accustomed to her, but I can’t take all this criticism. And I miss being busy, doing important things, I love taking care of Mary, but I need to do more. All these broken nights are breaking me up, I can’t seem to rest enough.”
“So, my mother is the problem here?” Robert said abruptly
“That’s not what I am saying, it is everything together. Your mother, Mary not sleeping and just me, my hormones playing games with me.”
“But my mother is part of the problem, maybe we should just tell her to leave us alone. She isn’t allowed to see Mary anymore; would that help you?”
“Robert! I never meant that. I didn’t say (that)!?”
“My mother is clearly the problem, your own mother, is saying you need to stop breastfeeding, and is giving Mary formula and you are ok with it, but when my mother says it, she is criticising you!” Robert said in a raised voice.
“My mother gave Mary formula just because you didn’t bring my pumped milk! Was she to let Mary starve?”
“Of course, now blame me. My mother only wants the best for Mary, she is her first grandchild, of course she is interfering, she is Mary’s granny.”
“You know your mother never really approved of me, and now she finally has something to beat me with, and she is using it to her full power, you just don’t want to see, because she is your mother!” Cora spitted
“Maybe, my mother was right!”
Cora just looked at Robert with disbelief, tears started welling up in her eyes. She batted them away. Got up, threw her plate in the sink, walked to the bedroom, and smashed the door shut.
She sat on the bed, her breasts were hurting, she needed to pump, Mary wasn’t here to drink, but she wasn’t going back to the kitchen right now to get the machine. She decided to take a bath, maybe it would sooth the pain, not only from her breast, but mostly from Robert’s harsh words.
+++
Robert cleared the table, steaming with rage. He was angry, why was Cora so stubborn, his mother was the way she was. Cora needed to learn to accept it. He filled the dishwasher and cleaned the countertop, he saw the breast pump machine and knew Cora would need it. But he wasn’t going to say anything to her.
He opened the bedroom door, to his relief, Cora was in the bathroom, so he put the machine on their bed. Picked up his pillow and duvet, so he could sleep on the sofa.
He opened his laptop; he could use this evening to catch up from what he didn’t do today. It made him even more angry, Cora wasn’t appreciative, he took a day off. After a few minutes, he said to himself: No, that’s not fair, she did thank him this afternoon.
Abbey Advertisements was working to open an office in Barcelona, he was having advanced plans, they started hiring people, and tomorrow he would know if the building they wanted was available. He worked very late that night. He couldn’t catch real sleep, the sofa wasn’t the most comfortable one to sleep on. But he refused to go back to the bedroom.
+++
Cora was relieved when she saw the machine on their bed. But when she noticed Robert’s bedding was gone, she felt sad and angry at the same time.
She had slept restlessly, waking up a lot. She heard Mary crying, but once she got out of bed, she realised, Mary wasn’t home. She could use Robert’s warm body, but he was clearly not coming to their bedroom.
The next morning, she woke up very early. Robert was still asleep on the couch, with his laptop open next to him. He had worked very late, she thought.
She started on breakfast, normally Robert just eats some cottage cheese, but she decided on a Full English breakfast.
+++
The smell of bacon and sausages woke Robert up. He got up, stiff from the couch and looked into the kitchen. He saw Cora busy at the stove. Walked to the bathroom, made himself ready for the day. He packed his laptop in his bag and said: “I am off to work. I will see you tonight.” And walked out of the door.
Leaving Cora too stunned to say anything, standing with the bacon pan in her hands.
+++
Martha opened the door: “Cora, my girl, you look even worse.”
Cora clamped herself against her mother and let out all her tears. She was tired, and on the brink of an emotional meltdown.
“Hush, darling, it will be alright, just cry for now.”
In the other room, Mary started crying, and Cora’s breasts reacted on her little girl, they started to leak. Martha let her go, to get Mary.
While Cora was feeding Mary, she told what happened between her and Robert.
“Darling, Robert is also battling with his emotions. He is seeing you in a way he has never seen you. And you are criticising his mother.”
“Mum, I am not, she is criticising me, I am clearly not good enough, and now he has proof. I am not good enough. I give birth and turn into an emotional train wreck.
+++
Rosamund saw Robert enter the building. On his face was thunder. Something was wrong.
“Morning, Robert, you are early.” She welcomed him.
“I am,” He pouted.
Rosamund decided to leave him be until lunch, but then she was going to have a talk.
“Do you want a sandwich? And do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
Robert told what happened and how Cora was pushing their mother out.
“Are you sure, she is pushing mama out? Or is she just claiming her own space? You know Mary is your daughter, not mama’s. You two decide how you are going to raise her. Mama can give advice from time to time, when asked. But Cora is feeling threatened by her. But you also said, Cora wanted to start working again?
“Indeed, she mentioned that yesterday, but I don’t know what she wants. She said she didn’t want to work for Harold again. She wants something more interesting and creative.”
Rosamund hummed: “Let me think about this.”
Verhalen van Traan 