Robert found Cora already in bed, after dinner she went upstairs. She had spent the whole afternoon with Miss Dalgleish, he did not know what the two woman had done. But she came smiling into the dining area, so she must have enjoyed her afternoon. He had noticed she had dark circles under her eyes and was glad when she said she would go upstairs right away.
He crawled in bed, turned on his side and kissed the back of Cora’s head. According to her breathing she was fast asleep. He scooted close and tried to fall asleep.
All of the sudden he was woken up by Cora.
“Who is Jane?”
“What?” He said groggy.
“Who is Jane? And why are you dreaming about her?”
Robert turned on his bedside light, Cora was sitting straight up, and her piercing blue eyes looked into his. He dreamed about Jane, he knew, but clearly, he had spoken her name out loud. He needed to confess, there was no other way. He also got up and leaned into the headboard. “You remember when you were ill with the Spanish flu?”
Cora raised her eyebrows. “I do not remember much, beside falling ill and feeling like I would not make it.”
Robert looked at his hands. “The first evening, I…..” He stopped.
“You what? Robert, do not tell me you…” She could not say the words.
“We only kissed.” Robert tried.
“You only kissed?” Cora said almost inaudible.
Robert would prefer it if Cora would burst out in anger, but instead she went silent. Why was she not shouting at him. He took her hand. “Cora?” Cora pulled her hand back, her eyes were almost white as ice and it hurt to look into them. “It never went any further and I regretted it always. Always.”
“Was she the instigator?” Cora asked calmly. “Tell me the truth.”
Robert swallowed. “No, she was not. I was the one who made the mistake. She was constantly where I was, but I was the one who made the first move.” He looked at Cora, her eyes fixated on his face, but she was not really looking at him. “I have always been ashamed by what I did.”
“Why did you do it?”
“The war had changed so much, you were busy with running the convalescent home. I felt lonely and…….”
“Lonely? Cora’s voice was still calm, she was not raising her voice, no her voice was almost quiet.
“We were losing our darling Sybil, I did not know what to do.”
“Maybe you should have told me, how you were feeling?” He could hear the anger now in Cora’s voice, but she was still very composed.
“I tried, but you did not seem to listen.”
“You are saying, it is my fault you cheated?” Cora was getting really angry now, she felt her stomach flip.
Robert felt his cheeks flush. He did not cheat, he never went to bed with Jane. He stopped in time, even though it was because John entered his dressing room, he stopped. And how could Cora be mad after what she did with Mr. Bricker? “I only kissed the girl. Send her away as soon as that evening happened. You were different, you kept inviting Mr. Bricker into our home and you were publicly flirting with him.” Robert threw at Cora.
Cora’s eyes widened, did he really say this. Was he justifying what he did and comparing it with Mr. Bricker flirting with her. She never realised he was flirting with her, how could she, when the first men who ever showed interest in her was Robert. She did not know how it was to be flirted with. She thought he was a dear friend, with whom she could share her interest in art. She felt her stomach flip again and she hurried out of bed towards the bathroom. She stumbled over a table and fell.
Robert jumped up to help her, but she pushed him away. She stumbled towards the bathroom and made it just in time. Robert held up her hair and rubbed her back.
There was a knock on the bedroom door, Edith’s voice sounded. “Mama? Papa? Are you alright?”
Robert left Cora in the bathroom and opened the door. “Your mother is sick.”
“Oh.” Edith pulled face. I heard a loud stumble and was worried. “Can I do something?”
“Stay with your mother. I will get Baxter.” Glad to have an excuse to leave, he left Edith to attend Cora.
“Mama?” Edith walked into the bathroom, where Cora was trying not to spew again. Tears where streaming down her face.
“I will get you back in bed, come.” Edith put her arm around her mother and helped her mother up, she felt warm to the touch. The moment they walked back into the bedroom, Baxter entered. With some ginger tea in one hand and a bowl in the other one.
Both ladies helped Cora back in bed, who was moving slowly.
Everything hurt, her body but most of all her heart was aching. She tried to smile up at Edith, but it was more a grin. “Thank you. Can you ask your father to sleep in his dressing room?”
Edith was not expecting this question, but this was not the time to ask questions. “I will, Mama. Try to get some more sleep.” She pulled the covers up and tugged her mother in.
Once Edith and Baxter left her room, she burst into tears. She could have known Robert had affairs, it was pretty common along men, but she always thought he was not that type of men. And with one of the maids even. How could he, how could he. She sobbed herself to sleep.
+++
“Is Mama not coming down this morning?” Mary asked, when she entered the library, where Robert was working.
He looked up, he did not sleep at all the rest of the night. “Your mother is not feeling well, I do not think we will see her today.” He answered.
“Oh, I am sorry to hear that. Can I do something for her?” Mary asked.
“Maybe you can check on her later this afternoon?” Robert said.
“She promised Miss Dalgleish to help her this afternoon, I will check if she is up to that.”
“What is your mother doing with Miss Dalgleish, I wonder.” Robert frowned.
“I do not know, Papa. I do not know, and I am not sure I want to know.” She chuckled.
+++
Not long after the dressing gong, Cora walked into the drawing room. Robert noticed she looked extremely pale, and she needed Carson´s hand to steady herself. He stepped towards her, but just one look from Cora made him freeze in his step.
Edith sat down next to her mother. “Mama, you do not have to be down here, if it is to much.”
Cora touched Edith’s hand. “I am only very tired at the moment. But I cannot wait to hear everything about tomorrow. They are going to film the final scene, right?”
“When you are sure?”
“I am sure.” Cora smiled.
“So about tomorrow……”
Robert watched how Cora leaned on Edith’s arm when they walked towards the dining room.
+++
When Baxter left Cora’s room, Robert knocked and entered. “Can we talk?” He saw Cora had already laid down, normally she would read some before she went to sleep. This day must have been extremely tyring for her.
“Not tonight.” Cora answered short.
“Cora.” He paused, he did not know what to say. “I am sorry.”
Cora stayed silent, she did not know what to say. And to be perfectly honest, she was to tired to try and answer him. She only wanted to sleep.
When Cora stayed silent, Robert turned around and closed her door. He whipped away a tear.
Verhalen van Traan 